Understanding Understanding

I know in two weeks, I am going to hate the title of this post, but it makes sense tonight and I guess that's all that matters.

This post is about helping us understand the meaning of "understanding" better. In my experiences, I have found that lots of time we think we understand what someone is going through, but we don't. Sometimes, not at all. Take any situation: a friend getting rejected or dumped, a parent's back pain, a professor's frustration with students handing assignments late, a coworker's stress and the list goes on; when we listen to them tell us their situation, we think we understand, but we don't, not past the surface.

Here's a typical scenario: someone tells us something that is bothering them. We listen and understand then suggest a solution to them. Soon enough, THEY are the ones that don't understand us. Why can't they do what I am telling them to fix the problem? The solution's right there!

It's taken me a while to figure out why this happens, it's not the other person, it's me: I don't understand what it means to understand. A part of me puts the blame on schools. Teachers have told me dozens of times over the years that "to be able to answer the question, you must understand it". Soon enough, that meant "to have the answer means I must have understood the question". Do you see the difference between the two statements? Look again, it's there.


To understand someone is to reach out to them in the same way they are reaching out to you. It's to dive into the pool of their troubles when they think they are alone. It's to figure out how they are feeling and trying to feel that. It's about becoming as vulnerable as they feel. Understanding should be hard because it's about voluntarily getting out of our comfort zones and stepping into someone else's world. It's not about what happened (the event), but how the other person experienced it. What did they see it as? What did it remind them of? How does it connect with who they are as a person? Note: not one of these questions is about the outcome, the solution or the next step.

We understand not only with our minds, but with our hearts and all our senses. We have to be willing to tear down the walls that separate us and make the other person feel alone. We have to be willing. Understanding is about courage and patience.

Understanding Change
I believe we can't change anyone in the slightest unless they want to. So, first, we must be willing to understand them and then we understand whether they want to change or not. If not, then trust me, understanding goes a long way towards helping the other person realize that they matter, they belong and that they are important.

But let's talk about change. Here's the DARN acronym that can help you spot "change talk". It helps you understand if the person is wanting / willing to change. In their words or actions, you may spot one or more of the following.

Desire (I want to, I wish, if only, etc)
Ability (I can, I could, etc)
Reason (I must, because, etc)
Need (I need to, etc)

These are signs that they want to change. Doesn't mean they will, but by trying to understanding why they want to change, we might be able to be more effective peers in their journeys.

So I ask do you understand?
Romil

"Let's Dance" A TV for 2 short film

"Let's Dance" a TV for 2 short film from John Alan Thompson on Vimeo.

Legendary Rivalry...

Those unfamiliar with the game of cricket please click the X mark on the right hand side of this window because I'm not going to teach you anything. Those familiar with the game you will know that cricket is a sport for the cool-minded, professional and tactical players. It is like the game of chess you are IN the game till the very end and because of the length of the game the frustration of each player grows as the game progresses.

Although, many are unfamiliar with the frustrations that are brought onto the field from political wars, wars between nations and rivalry from the moment a nation was created. Still confused? I'm talking about India-Pakistan. From the day Pakistan was declared its own nation there has been a war- a war that was about religion, land, power and now cricket.

Every time these two nations face-off on the cricket field there is a national holiday! Not because people are interested in the game, well some of us are, but because they want to see what this game will lead to! If the game is held in Pakistan, then all the Indian players fear for their lives and go there with the ULTIMATE security, and vice versa. It really gets intense when you have two nations who have fought a war over a piece of land and STILL haven't come to a conclusion. Some encourage brotherhood and try to calm the event down but honestly, Indian versus Pakistan is what cricket is all about.

A few stats to help you understand the history of cricket between the two nations...

India and Pakistan have faced each other in one day international games 120 times. Out of that Pakistan has won 69 times and India 47 times. The rest of the games had no results. In test match cricket (4 days matches) they have faced 59 times out of which Pakistan has won 12 times and Indian 9 times. The rest had gone for a draw. But do those stats mean anything when it comes to the super-important-mega-epic Cricket World Cup? Yes, they do. But every time Pakistan and India have faced off in a world cup semi-finals, India has won.

On March 30th, 2011, India had won AGAIN against Pakistan in the Cricket World Cup held in Mohali, India. This was one of the biggest games in cricketing history. It spread over 67.3 million TV's around the world and who knows how many people per TV. So that is definitely the biggest game of all time. Many big news papers had the game results on their front page and most readers had NO idea what the game was even about but after a few sentences in they would quickly realize it wasn't about the game but about the War.

That my friends is what being an Indian or Pakistani watching an India versus Pakistan game is all about.

Earth Hour 2011 in pictures

Click on this link to check out some of the pictures taken during Earth Hour 2011:http://www.flickr.com/photos/wwfcanada/sets/72157626083134896/

Enjoy :)

Earth Hour 2011

There is about an hour and half left before Earth Hour in Toronto, but if you are still on the fence about it, here is something that will help you make your decision:

http://lolsnaps.com/upload_pic/1537.jpg

Blueballs is a serious issue. Make sure you power off!

It's kind of a funny story...

Recently, Parita made me watch It's Kind of Funny Story... it took us a span of 3 weeks to actually watch the whole movie together (thanks to school) but now it's definitely added to my list of favourite movies.

It follows Craig (Keir Gilchrist... who I've developed a crush on after watching the movie), a teenager with suicidal thoughts. When these thoughts catch up on him, he visits a hospital for a quick fix of medication to help him overcome these thoughts, but instead ends up getting admitted to the psychiatric ward of the hospital for 5 day stay. The movie follows his stay at the ward and his interactions with the rest of the patients, in particular Bobby (Zach Galifianakis) and Noelle (Emma Roberts).

Bobby: "You're cool. You're smart. You're talented. You have a family that loves you. You know what I would do just to be you for just a day? I would, I would do so much. I would, I don't know, I'd just... I'd just live. Like it meant something."

The story proves to be an eye-opener.... Yeah, there are horrible things that happen in life and yeah, it sucks! But at the end of the day, there are things that we ignore and the things we take for granted. We often fail to look at the worst situations through a positive perspective and to use it as a learning experience. The one thing I fell in love with throughout the movie, other than how cute Keir Gilchrist's character and Solomon, was the friendship between Bobby and Craig and their moments together.

Bobby to Craig: "Babe, you can't live your life in fear. You're gonna end up like Muqtada, or worse - me."
Bobby: "That's the part where you go, 'Hey, Bobby, your life's not that bad.'"

I have a good feeling that the movie will leave a smile on many once they finish watching it. It may be a predictable ending but it's the moments in the movie that are worth waiting for and figuring out the reason as to why you're smiling at the end of the movie.

Craig: Okay, I know you're thinking, "What is this? Kid spends a few days in the hospital and all his problems are cured?" But I'm not. I know I'm not. I can tell this is just the beginning. I still need to face my homework, my school, my friends. My dad. But the difference between today and last Saturday is that for the first time in a while, I can look forward to the things I want to do in my life. Bike, eat, drink, talk. Ride the subway, read, read maps. Make maps, make art. Finish the Gates application. Tell my dad not to stress about it. Hug my mom. Kiss my little sister. Kiss my dad. Make out with Noelle. Make out with her more. Take her on a picnic. See a movie with her. See a movie with Aaron. Heck, see a movie with Nia. Have a party. Tell people my story. Volunteer at 3 North. Help people like Bobby. Like Muqtada. Like me. Draw more. Draw a person. Draw a naked person. Draw Noelle naked. Run, travel, swim, skip. Yeah, I know it's lame, but, whatever. Skip anyway. Breathe... Live.

Happy World Water Day!

A couple of weeks ago, Romil introduced me to Vlogbrothers on youtube, and I fell in love with them ever since. One of the brothers recently went to Haiti with water.org to answer a request by the citizens of a small town near Port au Prince and develop a well there. Through a comment on his video, I came across another brilliant organization called Earthship. They develop cheap, sustainable housing with environmentally friendly methods of acquiring electricity, clean water, food, and heating and cooling. Through this, they not only help out those in need with affordable necessities, but they decrease the dependence of less privileged individuals on aid from nations like the United States and Canada. In many cases (like in Haiti), the development of these homes also helps clear up the surrounding rubble. Please do check these organizations out. There is more than one way to help out, and Earthship also provides internship opportunities. Also, be sure to visit the Vlogbrothers, because I believe they are brilliant with regards to intelligence and heart. For all of you who aren't aware, they are the ones that started up Project for Awesome on youtube.

P.S.: Happy World Water Day!


http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers
http://water.org/
http://earthship.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=710&Itemid=2
http://grassrootsunited.org/about

People, Places and Things

I spent much of my past week in Fredericton, New Brunswick on a work-related trip. It was filled with warm hearted people, beautiful places and thought-provoking things. At the end of the day, Fredericton isn't that different from Toronto, it's also filled with people, places and things but for some reason, I had more time to observe them, listen to them and learn from them.

Yesterday, Susan (a friend of mine from Fredericton) & I went to the airport a couple hours before my flight to drop off two participants from the conference we were at. A couple things you should know about Susan: she's an extremely kind, loving and intelligent woman and a couple things you should know about me: I study Economics and I like talking about it with people who don't study it more than people who do (I end up learning more). After dropping the participants off at the airport, on our way back to the car in the parking lot, Susan mentioned how often she comes to the airport. She wasn't kidding; when we were walking through the airport earlier, she had greeted pretty much the entire airport staff from the woman working at the cafeteria to the person working behind the Air Canada check-in counter.

That was Susan. She greets everyone with a smile and isn't afraid to get to know someone. I spent four days with her in her hometown and witnessed the incredible relationships she had built in her life. My economist brain started thinking and realized that the way our breed invests in stocks and bonds, she naturally invested in her relationships, all the time, every single day.The returns on her investments were evident.

Back to the airport conversation, she mentioned how the airport had recently installed an automated parking gate and had let go of the person working there. She said she missed him but more than that, she couldn't understand why did the airport let him go? Where does that job go? It hit me then: this was a conversation between two particular people (Susan and Romil) at a particular place (Fredericton airport) about a particular thing (automated parking gate) but when you think about it, these questions are asked worldwide everyday just by different people in different places about different things.

I gave her the answer my economics education gives me:

When the airport saves money on wages, they use it to for cheaper services, higher wages for other employees, or increase the profits of its shareholders. Someone somewhere ends up with more money in their pocket than before.  With this extra money, people buy things in other places which keeps the economy going. It's a giant cycling chain; we see only one side of it (the automated parking gate) but not the other side of the story.

She took a moment and said:

Well, that makes sense but when you know the person working behind the parking booth, it's more difficult. When you realize that a few months later, he still doesn't have a job, it's frustrating. There are only 350,000 people in this entire province [New Brunswick]. There simply aren't enough jobs to go around and when companies take these kind of jobs away which we know won't come back to the province, it's hard. We don't see the automated parking gate as progress, at all.

Of course, she was right. It made me think about all the little towns across the world that depend on these kinds of jobs. Yes, someone somewhere is saving money, but what about the person who lost the job? What about the relationships he had at his work with people like Susan? Yes, the giant cycling chain we call the economy will keep turning and keep us "progressing", but at what costs?

And I guess that's one of the things I learned this week: All peoples, places and things have a story to tell. Listen close before it's too late.

Conundrum

Many of us go to university or college and come out thinking we want to create change in the world. There are so many issues, so many opportunities, so many barriers. How do we know what to tackle? Everyone seems to need our help, but there's just one you. How do you know what to pursue?

Strombo is my Boyfriend

I was super-bummed out a while back when I found out that CBC's The Hour had been changed to George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight and been cut down to only a half an hour. The Hour was one of the most awesome shows on Canadian television and George usually had two phenomenal guests come on. Today's George episode was true to its roots. Although there was only one guest, it was incredibly brilliant. The guest tonight was Stephen Lewis. For those who don't know, Lewis is an ex-Ontario NDP leader and after he quit politics, he joined the World Food Program to combat hunger and UNICEF to combat AIDS. It was 30 minutes of pure unadulterated inspiration. Lewis spoke of the vicious cycle of how AIDS infliction in many African nations leads to a decrease in food production, leading to hunger, which in turn leads to lower absorption of antiretrovirals and a persistence of further AIDS prevalence. He recently collaborated with Knaan to encourage the House of Commons to legalize the production of generic drugs in Canada, which would make drugs much cheaper for those in need than how much they presently cost due to patent protection. The House voted overwhelmingly in their favour and now they're pushing to get the Senate's approval and have the legislation passed before the possible spring election. This was just a bit of what was discussed. If you would like to watch more of this or catch other amazing interviews, visit http://www.cbc.ca/strombo/videos.html

P.S.: With all the political turmoil in Africa and the Middle East and the natural disasters in places like Pakistan, Chile, New Zealand, and Japan- not to mention other nations and issues that slip under the radar- please try to do all you can to help out. Do make sure to do research on the charities first though if you choose to donate.Hope you're all well.

Growing Up

It's interesting to see how fast times change. Before you know it, you are all grown up and roles in life start to alter or completely switch. My friend and I were discussing how difficult it could be when you first realize you are no longer a child, you have many responsibilities and the decisions you make can make a great impact- maybe even globally.

As perplexing as that may be, it isn't all bad. This morning my mom came across an old sudoku book that had been lying around years and asked me the rules of the puzzle. I started off my day teaching my mom how to correctly fill in each of the empty boxes. It was almost as if I had a great skill that I was imparting upon her. Her eagerness to learn was incredibly endearing and transformed her into a curious little girl. She stumbled through it and found the task nearly impossible to do, but her determination caught me off guard. I couldn't help but think back to when I was little and she kindly and calmly instructed me on how to ride a bike. Before I knew it, she had finished her first puzzle and was beaming in the most modest way possible. Later on at night, she was teaching my grandpa how to do the sudoko and I thought: 'My baby girl's all grown up'.

Lol it was lame, I admit it, but I felt so happy for her and it was really interesting how for a portion of the day, the roles had switched. I guess growing up won't be too terrible...

Happy [Belated] Women's Day!

As most of you may know, yesterday was International Women's Day. Although I'm an hour late, I would like to take this time to acknowledge not only the achievements, but the immense importance of the women in our lives. It could be your mother or aunt who feeds you until your buttons are ready to pop, your grandmother who nurses you back to health with all sorts of gross yet seemingly miraculous traditional medicines, your sister who bails you out whenever you're in trouble, your friend who knows exactly what to say when you're down, or your daughter or niece whose single smile can not only brighten, but make your entire day. The women in our lives are so truly special and it is great to have a day where you can be thankful for their mere existence.

Those who know me can probably attest to the fact that I spend many a days at the mercy of my laziness. I was about to give up and surrender to the sweet siren call of sleep when I started listening to Lupe Fiasco's new song, Words I Never Said. Incidentally, Lupe's new album, Lasers, dropped yesterday as well so make sure to go buy it because this man is a lyrical genius. As I listened to the song, it hit me: "I can't take back the words I never said". If I didn't blog about this now, I never will.

Flashback to this morning. I visited the Women's Center on campus and this poster caught my eye.

For a while, I just stood there astonished. Under any other circumstances, 97.25% would be considered extremely high. Nearly perfect, even. Then you read the surrounding text and you ask yourself, 'Are they kidding me? No way can this poster be serious. It's not possibly that not everyone at UofT thinks rape is wrong. Everyone must know that if it's not consensual, it's not right?' Unfortunately, that is not the case. We attend university to get an education. To learn and prepare ourselves for the "real world". If 2.75% of us do not understand rape, what must the stats be like outside our sheltered little campuses?

Almost every female I know can recount a story of rape or some type of sexual abuse encounter or another. The unfortunate fact is that most women get abused by people they know and the majority of the cases do not get reported. This is the sad truth and something must be done about it. What better time than Women's Day (or Day After Women's Day, if you will) to start spreading awareness. No better day than today to start building a brighter, safer future for the next generation.

If you were affected, the important thing to remember is that you are beautiful and loved and one incident need not define you. You are important and no one can change that. Make sure to talk to someone about it. The following websites could be really helpful:

Kids Help Phone: http://org.kidshelpphone.ca/en
Assaulted Women's Helpline: http://www.awhl.org/

I'm sorry for the lengthy post; I promise to keep it short next time. Hope everyone is well!

Choices

My week of hell is over and I finally kicked up my feet to relax this weekend. And I got to catch up with a whole bunch of friends that I was neglecting because of school and of course, I finally found the time to add to the blog.

Adding to Romil's previous post at the bottom, I think it's important that we all realize how important we are and how much we matter - not to others - but to just ourselves. It's hard to realize how much we matter to ourselves when we focus on how much we matter to others. Recently, I realized that the key to feeling important is to make the choices in life that make you feel like you matter - the choice that makes you happy. I've been making choices that some might not approve but as long as I can still look at myself and be happy with who I am ... then who gives. The most important thing to feeling proud of you are is to be happy with you are... to be comfortable in your skin and your choices in life.

I think I can say that about most of my choices so far and it feels good. However, it's not so clear sometimes but I still keep making choices.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

It's no secret. When we feel down, we tend to make more unhealthy choices. I think it has something to do with the way we view ourselves in the mirror. I remember, after a crazy night of bad choices I was at my family doctor's and he just couldn't understand why I indulged in the choices I did. He looked at me said:

The most important thing is to be able to get out of the shower, look at yourself in the mirror and say "I like me and I am proud of me." Try it once.

I thought about that and decided to try it the next day. Since that day 8 months ago, I have tried every single day. Some days, I stand there for minutes trying to figure out why. Other days, it's easy. Truthfully, other, other days I completely forget. The point is to keep trying I guess.

Today, I challenge you to take up his advice for one week...

The most important thing is to be able to get out of the shower, look at yourself in the mirror and say "I like me and I am proud of me." Try it once.

Today...

Today i woke up feeling stronger about myself. Nothing was going to stop me i kept saying, but honestly had no idea what i was going to do. I knew i wanted to do something. I wanted to put myself through something i wanted to experience something. But what? I had no idea. I checked the weather to see how it was outside, maybe i could go take some pictures? The weather was shitty. It was definitely going to rain and that made me so upset. But i looked outside and thought "its not raining right now... maybe i can just go somewhere close". So i packed my uncle's camera, since mine isn't working, and headed out took some pictures faced some problems but right then i knew THAT is the reason i am stronger today. I was able to take the pictures head back home and thanks to nature, who supported me all the way, it started raining as soon as i got home. :) These are the kinds of days i look forward to and these are the kinds of days i will work towards.

Don't stop surprising yourself. If you think you're capable of something, do even more. Prove yourself wrong! ah... pretty pumped! maybe ill post some music haha! check it out in eargasm.

Gifty Singh - Let It Go (Visual Poetry)

One of my greatest joys is to watch my friends grow, create and express themselves. Almost everybody that knows me knows Gifty Singh is one of my best friends. I've also had the pleasure of working with him on his music passion, and now a developing career.

This is a creative video for a song called "Let It Go". It is such a great feeling to see that he is finally getting the resources and talented people behind him to help realize his dreams.

This post isn't a promotion of his work as much as an expression of my gratitude and pleasure of having him as a friend.

Romil

Dear Stalkers

Why is it that every girl, or mostly every girl that I have befriended or encountered has had an awkward stalker story to tell?

Even the most, how do I say this in a nice way --the most irritating, repulsive and uncanny kind of girls have had stalkers. But one stalker doesn't seem to suffice for these kind of girls because they usually end up having two or more.

I would like to share stories in which creepy guys give me random mix CDs, follow me around in their personalized licensed plate car, ask my parents for my hand in marriage/propose to me on facebook or just shower me with presents.

I just want a "stalker" for the purpose of entertaining my friends mostly, because lately that's what my life's purpose has been ...to keep my friends entertained and laughing.

So, here's my memo to anyone out there.

Dear Stalker,

Am I some kind of a stalker repellent? Just what is it?

Please let me have those disturbing memories and stories to share.

Yours truly.